did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
