He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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