"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just had sex bonerless
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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