Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
