3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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