i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
