Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
