I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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