hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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