i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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