Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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