Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
