literally had 100 drinks last night.
Girls should come with a carfax report
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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