You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
