awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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