I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
