bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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