i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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