last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
