Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
