One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
