do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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