Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
