U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
