Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
