No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
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You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
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Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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