apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
