my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
