I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
