Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
