I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
