dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
