After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
