My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just invented taco cereal.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
