also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
