ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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