our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
