I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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