You're so nebulous sometimes
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
