my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
