i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
