I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
