i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
