Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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