her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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