Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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