I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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