TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There's always time for handjobs
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
