two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
