he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
