THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wish you could order shots online.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
