Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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