I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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