2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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