If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
