I hate your face
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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