be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize