i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
