Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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