Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I could fuck to npr.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
