I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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