she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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