Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
