It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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