and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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