matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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