no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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