So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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