i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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